Oliver: The Peacemaker

For quite a while, the proper complaints procedure has been to raise issues you may have with a fellow trader with the office first. If necessary, the manager can have a quiet, conciliatory, private word with the offending trader. A sensible, adult approach to defusing disputes before they start.

Which only works if the manager in question is also an adult...

A trader selling clothes was using stepped hanger bars which protruded from the top bar of the stall into the aisle. Another trader thought this narrowed the aisle affecting their trade and may have been a hazard to the public. They went to the office and told Barmy their concerns.

Minutes later Barmy's enforcer, the Dodger, arrived at the stall and told the trader to remove the bars immediately because Barmy "said so".

Jaws dropped.

To boldly go

How heart-warming it is to see GSM supporting Young Enterprise. The two back-to-back stalls in the market on Sunday were an inspiration to budding young entrepreneurs everywhere. Stupidly, the operators of the scheme and the young people's business mentors have been cramming their heads with budgeting, manufacturing, marketing and the other harsh realities of starting in business.

Those stars of modern market management, GSM, were on hand to show the future young business leaders the reality of Greenwich Marketism. The four and a half quid their excellent beaded jewellery made on one of their stalls may have been taken as a rebuff of their business skills by Joe Public. They should not be downcast, as the sheltered rent-free position, and consequent lack of any need to turn a profit, should be taken as an object lesson in how to succeed in today's Greenwich Market.

Meanwhile, Dominique, a real market trader, was stuck outside under a piece of plastic next to the toilets again.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

Oliver: Thank heaven for little girls

There were so many events featuring Dodger that I nearly forgot to mention Rose. Rose was another of the market waifs and even younger than Dodger. Barmy often played with her, but didn't appoint her to the staff. Usually.

One Christmas, on a very busy day for casuals, there were only two traders remaining to be allocated. Unfortunately there was only one pitch left. As a mature market manager, the obvious thing to do would be to decide who should take the pitch based on logic, common sense, an evaluation of their goods and their contribution to the market over the past year.

Nobody was surprised, therefore, when Barmy turned to little Rose, squatted next to her, and asked her to choose which trader should get the pitch - and who should lose a day's earnings.

Naturally, her choice prevailed.

As I was saying...

Funny I should have just remarked upon the jewellery situation.

Overheard on Saturday, customer to trader:-

"The last time I came here there was loads of jewellery in this place - now there's even more."

So it's not my imagination then.

In case Barmy should forget what he's trying to achieve, here's a picture.

Handbags at dawn

I must seem very unoriginal these days, but here's another comment promoted to a new post - this time from "Fan of Dominique":-

Barmy personally gave Dominique a spot quite early on Saturday. She was placed in an aisle of eight stalls,three of which were jewellery stalls, one t-shirt stall & the 4 remaining did bags of one sort or another (including Dominique). The stall opposite her (a new trader - doing women's cloths & BAGS ) was given a spreadover ( he's so kind to the new young girls ). I bet Barmy chuckled to himself all the way back to the office. He sure knows how to dish out a really creative mixture of stalls -- I don't think so !! Pat at least gave Dominique a better position on Sunday. Barmy goes on & on about creative priority, creative this & creative that, but doesn't even have a single blip of creativity in his (miss) management of the market or how he dishes out the stalls. He just doesn't see the bigger picture, even though he carries around a copy on his clipboard ( as a security blanket )to make him feel important His creativity seems to be confined to how he repairs his battered ego & how he wreaks revenge.

What can one say? A common response to "trouble makers" is to swamp them with competition. I have other examples, which I'll post from time to time. In the meantime, let's see what happens to Dominique on Barmy's next shift.

Oliver: Reviewing the Situation

Everyone was familiar with the Dodger and his clipboard. Incurring Dodger's displeasure was something you would try hard to avoid, even if it meant treating the wee tyke as though he actually was a figure of authority. There was good reason for treating him that way - he reported back to his master.

An anonymous commenter shared their experience with us:-

When working on the market about a year ago, I came under the scrutiny of the young Dodger. He popped up in front of my stall when I was still setting up. With clip board in hand he cast his eye over my stall & uttered "rubbish", then ticked a box on his board. When I asked him what he was up to, he said that barny asked him to go round & see which stalls were good & which were rubbish. Later he came back to tell me that I should put up my company name sign. At the time I just laughed it off. I'm sure this kid was having great fun doing Barny's bidding, but this should not be, as the market can be a dangerous place for an unaccompanied six year old.

Your eyes did not deceive you. Traders' displays were being critiqued by someone whose cultural horizons were defined by Spongebob, Lego and cheese string, and whose ideal retail experience was Toys R Us. And Dodger was copying him.

Oliver's choice

O happy day. You're a casual trader. It's coming up to Christmas and there just aren't enough pitches to go round. You're one of a few traders left at the end of allocation. You're not too worried about getting a pitch though. You've been coming to the market most days all year round. Loyalty has it's reward and you're sure Barmy will pick you.

Wait... What's this? Barmy's got young Dodger with him. Ah, it's alright. He's obviously brought the young spud along to show him how a professional market manager operates. Here we go - the moment of choice.

Barmy bends down to little Dodger, indicates you and your fellows, and asks the lad to choose who should stay and who should go. Dodger points at one trader, then another, then another. But not you. You're not one of the favoured. You're going home.

Victim support

I feel the need to speak out on behalf of one of the most put-upon traders whose treatment last weekend plumbed new depths.

Dominique has been a regular casual trader for quite a while. She is affable, friendly and manages to smile in the face of adversity. She sells leather bags which although not designed or made by herself, are bright, modern, inexpensive and there are few other bags on sale in the market that are better.

She is consistently the last trader to be allocated a pitch, but last Sunday she was more put-upon than usual. There were many new casual traders; I recognised some from Covent Garden's Apple Market, which I understand has contracted recently. (Could these people's appearance have anything to do with Whistler's remarks about Sunday spreads? There were no spreads last week.) In conjunction with the new traders, there was further pressure on space due to the food court overflowing into another row of stalls.

As a consequence, although every new casual was accommodated inside the market hall, Dominique was given a stall outside the toilets in Durnford Street, traditionally the crappiest pitch available. Insulting enough, you'd think. To rub salt in the wounds, she was not given an electricity supply all day in spite of pointing out the omission to management.

Just to press their point home and dump on her business to the greatest degree, the manager allocated a double pitch opposite Dominique to a trader selling cheaper bags.

Way to respect your regulars. Morons.