Bring back Barmy?

It has been mentioned that Barmy has gone missing. For two weeks now his calming and creative influence has been absent from Greenwich Market. How you must miss his cosy little chats on the correct way to suck eggs. How you must miss his arrogant confident strut and assertive clipboard tapping.

I say don't worry. The poor guy (as you were - that's his brother, who's also gone walkabout) must be burnt out after his huge expenditure of energy on the Thames Festival. He's probably just resting and he'll back among you soon.

Hold on though. It wouldn't be the first time a member of the Greenwich Market team had been "disappeared". Perhaps at this very moment Barmy is the unwilling recipient of a shafting at USM HQ. Perhaps he'll be sighted next at Elephant & Castle clutching a tube of Anusol.

Just in case, perhaps I should start a "bring back Barmy" campaign. What do you think?

Oliver: The barrowboy

Now, I'm as keen as anyone to uphold the wholesome traditions that made Britain great. I do tend to draw the line at vulgarities such as slavery, though.

I also draw the line at making little girls sell matches and flowers on the street, or making little boys scavenge loose cotton from beneath looms or sending them up chimneys. Who can forget those engravings of children as young as nine (as long ago as 1833 - yes, 1833 - the Whigs sought to outlaw the employment of children under nine) toiling underground pushing carts of coal from the face?

In his drive to revive Britain's glory days, GSM's great overseer, Barmy, brought back to us the sight of tiny children straining against burdens far bigger than themselves.

Who can forget seven-year-old Dodger manfully pushing trolleys laden with traders' goods to and from storage? Who can forget them toppling over on the bends while Dodger manfully struggled to keep them upright? Who can forget the tears on the poor kid's face when a trader forgot themselves and called the boy a clumsy arse for cocking-up a job he shouldn't have been doing?

Who can forget GSM turning a blind eye yet again?

Oliver: The Peacemaker

For quite a while, the proper complaints procedure has been to raise issues you may have with a fellow trader with the office first. If necessary, the manager can have a quiet, conciliatory, private word with the offending trader. A sensible, adult approach to defusing disputes before they start.

Which only works if the manager in question is also an adult...

A trader selling clothes was using stepped hanger bars which protruded from the top bar of the stall into the aisle. Another trader thought this narrowed the aisle affecting their trade and may have been a hazard to the public. They went to the office and told Barmy their concerns.

Minutes later Barmy's enforcer, the Dodger, arrived at the stall and told the trader to remove the bars immediately because Barmy "said so".

Jaws dropped.

To boldly go

How heart-warming it is to see GSM supporting Young Enterprise. The two back-to-back stalls in the market on Sunday were an inspiration to budding young entrepreneurs everywhere. Stupidly, the operators of the scheme and the young people's business mentors have been cramming their heads with budgeting, manufacturing, marketing and the other harsh realities of starting in business.

Those stars of modern market management, GSM, were on hand to show the future young business leaders the reality of Greenwich Marketism. The four and a half quid their excellent beaded jewellery made on one of their stalls may have been taken as a rebuff of their business skills by Joe Public. They should not be downcast, as the sheltered rent-free position, and consequent lack of any need to turn a profit, should be taken as an object lesson in how to succeed in today's Greenwich Market.

Meanwhile, Dominique, a real market trader, was stuck outside under a piece of plastic next to the toilets again.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

Oliver: Thank heaven for little girls

There were so many events featuring Dodger that I nearly forgot to mention Rose. Rose was another of the market waifs and even younger than Dodger. Barmy often played with her, but didn't appoint her to the staff. Usually.

One Christmas, on a very busy day for casuals, there were only two traders remaining to be allocated. Unfortunately there was only one pitch left. As a mature market manager, the obvious thing to do would be to decide who should take the pitch based on logic, common sense, an evaluation of their goods and their contribution to the market over the past year.

Nobody was surprised, therefore, when Barmy turned to little Rose, squatted next to her, and asked her to choose which trader should get the pitch - and who should lose a day's earnings.

Naturally, her choice prevailed.

As I was saying...

Funny I should have just remarked upon the jewellery situation.

Overheard on Saturday, customer to trader:-

"The last time I came here there was loads of jewellery in this place - now there's even more."

So it's not my imagination then.

In case Barmy should forget what he's trying to achieve, here's a picture.

Diamond geezer

I think I speak for all when I say I'm absolutely delighted to see that Barmy isn't going to let himself be limited by a so-called "saturated" category.

I don't think anyone would argue that the most saturated is jewellery, with the number of traders rigorously capped for many years. Until recently, that is. Ever the bold and adventurous manager, Barmy has ripped up his own rule book for the benefit of the market.

Seeing clearly that the market is, in fact, afflicted by a severe shortage of jewellery, Barmy's main achievement this Friday was to set a new all-time record for jewellery stalls.

In the half of the market south of Durnford Street - the arts & crafts half on Fridays now - there were 20 jewellery traders occupying 27 out of 79 stalls. That's a magnificent 34% of the arts & crafts section devoted to one type of product. In one full-width aisle of 14 stalls, 6 were devoted to jewellery. In another of only 13 stalls, there were another 6 stalls of jewellery.

Well done Barmy. We salute you.

Handbags at dawn

I must seem very unoriginal these days, but here's another comment promoted to a new post - this time from "Fan of Dominique":-

Barmy personally gave Dominique a spot quite early on Saturday. She was placed in an aisle of eight stalls,three of which were jewellery stalls, one t-shirt stall & the 4 remaining did bags of one sort or another (including Dominique). The stall opposite her (a new trader - doing women's cloths & BAGS ) was given a spreadover ( he's so kind to the new young girls ). I bet Barmy chuckled to himself all the way back to the office. He sure knows how to dish out a really creative mixture of stalls -- I don't think so !! Pat at least gave Dominique a better position on Sunday. Barmy goes on & on about creative priority, creative this & creative that, but doesn't even have a single blip of creativity in his (miss) management of the market or how he dishes out the stalls. He just doesn't see the bigger picture, even though he carries around a copy on his clipboard ( as a security blanket )to make him feel important His creativity seems to be confined to how he repairs his battered ego & how he wreaks revenge.

What can one say? A common response to "trouble makers" is to swamp them with competition. I have other examples, which I'll post from time to time. In the meantime, let's see what happens to Dominique on Barmy's next shift.

Oliver: Reviewing the Situation

Everyone was familiar with the Dodger and his clipboard. Incurring Dodger's displeasure was something you would try hard to avoid, even if it meant treating the wee tyke as though he actually was a figure of authority. There was good reason for treating him that way - he reported back to his master.

An anonymous commenter shared their experience with us:-

When working on the market about a year ago, I came under the scrutiny of the young Dodger. He popped up in front of my stall when I was still setting up. With clip board in hand he cast his eye over my stall & uttered "rubbish", then ticked a box on his board. When I asked him what he was up to, he said that barny asked him to go round & see which stalls were good & which were rubbish. Later he came back to tell me that I should put up my company name sign. At the time I just laughed it off. I'm sure this kid was having great fun doing Barny's bidding, but this should not be, as the market can be a dangerous place for an unaccompanied six year old.

Your eyes did not deceive you. Traders' displays were being critiqued by someone whose cultural horizons were defined by Spongebob, Lego and cheese string, and whose ideal retail experience was Toys R Us. And Dodger was copying him.

Off yer trolley

A quick plea to the management.

As Ben is not around at the moment to effect repairs, can you please send someone out to "liberate" a few new trolleys to replace the crippled ones.

The picture should remind you where to "borrow" them from.

Thanks.

Oliver's choice

O happy day. You're a casual trader. It's coming up to Christmas and there just aren't enough pitches to go round. You're one of a few traders left at the end of allocation. You're not too worried about getting a pitch though. You've been coming to the market most days all year round. Loyalty has it's reward and you're sure Barmy will pick you.

Wait... What's this? Barmy's got young Dodger with him. Ah, it's alright. He's obviously brought the young spud along to show him how a professional market manager operates. Here we go - the moment of choice.

Barmy bends down to little Dodger, indicates you and your fellows, and asks the lad to choose who should stay and who should go. Dodger points at one trader, then another, then another. But not you. You're not one of the favoured. You're going home.

Compensation?

I've just seen Whistler's post called Compensation. It's a bit off the wall. Still interesting though.

There's one thing Whistler missed. I'm supposing that the shop's leaseholders come in for compensation because their businesses are going to suffer in the redevelopment. Ditto GSM. What about the dozens of businesses that operate from market stalls, some of whom have been there for more than 20 years. Shouldn't they be compensated?

Perhaps GSM will be generous and let some of their compensation trickle down to stallholders. That was a weird thought - who knows what I'll be like when the lithium wears off completely.

Seriously, why don't you guys band together and get some legal advice - before it's too late.

Horn of plenty

This is a comment I received on my "Bungled" post:-

I'm not sure of the specifics of your posting but I can tell you for sure that the non food traders are being pushed aside on the weekdays to make room for the food court. I have also heard rumours that the food stalls are not paying rent at the moment. I know this for sure with regard to Wednesdays (12 weeks grace I believe) but there seems to be confusion if this is also the case on Thursdays and Fridays. I would have thought the food court is meant to be a healthy addition to the weekday markets, rather than a take over bid at the expense of other long standing paying traders.

First let me say I have no wish to set traders against each other. Before commenting here please remember that this situation is not of the traders' making, but rather of a bizarre management style that rules by division. Much as it pains me, I have to confirm the truth of the expanding food court and the pressure on space for other traders.

I can also confirm that you are correct about the rent-free pitches. All the Wednesday traders, food and non-food, have the thick end of 3 months free, while GSM's largesse has been confined to food only on Thursday and Friday (I'm not sure if they all get that - anyone know?).

I'm not sure why the most profitable businesses in the market need that kind of subsidy, but what do I know?

Victim support

I feel the need to speak out on behalf of one of the most put-upon traders whose treatment last weekend plumbed new depths.

Dominique has been a regular casual trader for quite a while. She is affable, friendly and manages to smile in the face of adversity. She sells leather bags which although not designed or made by herself, are bright, modern, inexpensive and there are few other bags on sale in the market that are better.

She is consistently the last trader to be allocated a pitch, but last Sunday she was more put-upon than usual. There were many new casual traders; I recognised some from Covent Garden's Apple Market, which I understand has contracted recently. (Could these people's appearance have anything to do with Whistler's remarks about Sunday spreads? There were no spreads last week.) In conjunction with the new traders, there was further pressure on space due to the food court overflowing into another row of stalls.

As a consequence, although every new casual was accommodated inside the market hall, Dominique was given a stall outside the toilets in Durnford Street, traditionally the crappiest pitch available. Insulting enough, you'd think. To rub salt in the wounds, she was not given an electricity supply all day in spite of pointing out the omission to management.

Just to press their point home and dump on her business to the greatest degree, the manager allocated a double pitch opposite Dominique to a trader selling cheaper bags.

Way to respect your regulars. Morons.

Bungled

Has anyone noticed that since the introduction of the weekday food court, arts and crafts traders are being pushed out. There's a huge, mainly empty, space for the food which used to accommodate non-food traders.

They have to go somewhere (in the case of Colin last Friday, home) so Barmy has been putting up stalls along Durnford Street. Now I remember ages ago asking Bill why he never had stalls in Durnford Street when the weekday market was busy. According to him, GSM's lease forbids the erection of stalls beyond the canopy (and of course the office doorways have to be left clear) on weekdays. That makes sense as the office tenants need free access to their buildings and car park.

I don't know if Barmy thought the conditions of the lease don't apply to anything he wants to do. I do know that on Friday he started to put the stalls out again - and shortly after took them all down even though traders were waiting for them. I reckon someone from NBRE or the Hospital yanked his chain. Anyone know?

Oliver: I'd Do Anything

First let me say I know this sounds far-fetched. If I hadn't seen this myself I would be highly sceptical on hearing it third-hand. It's true.

Imagine you're Barmy. Allocating pitches took you the usual exhausting hour or two. You've had a hard day in the market office with Dodger raking in the rents. Dealing with all those pesky traders moaning about the toilets backing up, about the power going off for the tenth time today and about their stock being nicked from storage again is wearing you down. You're tired of traders still not getting the priority system, no matter how many times you explain it. Now you have to trudge around to visit all the traders who haven't brought their rent in yet. No, wait. There is an alternative.

It's no good. I just can't think like Barmy. What in the name of whatever he believes in possessed him to delegate this job to the boy Dodger. Barmy sat in the office while he sent a child, someone else's child at that, out into the market to collect rents, an act so mind-bogglingly irresponsible, reckless and plain stupid that it beggars belief. What Barmy expected Dodger to do if someone wanted to take the money away I can't imagine. Perhaps I'm ill-informed and the lad was schooled in martial arts (Barmy's something of an expert, we're told) so GSMs bag of sovereigns was quite safe from the local footpads.

Nobody witnessing this could possibly have thought it right, least of all those having their rent collected. That no-one refused to pay or spoke up about this at the time (even Dodger's parents) shows what a climate of fear Barmy's regime brought about.

Plank

What do you do if you have a member of staff you want to get rid of, but you want to bypass all the rights employees inconveniently have these days?

They haven't done anything wrong. Quite the reverse - they're one of your most effective, loyal, honest, hard-working and respected employees. They have, unfortunately, committed the serious disciplinary offence of treating traders and staff like human beings. How can you get shot of them without stirring up a load of legal trouble ending up in you losing an industrial tribunal case?

Make their life a misery, of course. If they need the job badly enough, like if they have a wife and children and the usual financial commitments to support, they'll stick it out. Kick them out of the job you employed them to do and stick them somewhere out of sight. Slap a gagging order on them - hell, why not extend it to their wife too? Give them the crappiest jobs and treat them like scum. For the sake of their family they'll tough it out for a while, but, if you make their life grim enough, in the end they'll quit. Problem solved.

I've just seen an anonymous comment on Whistler's blog:-

The message came straight from the horses mouth on Saturday (the horse being John Burton when he visited the Market)
"Ben will not be returning to Greenwich Market"
so that ends any speculation.

Well done GSM. Part one of your plan has worked. How long before part two kicks in and Ben steps off the plank?

Going for a burton

Who should be seen in the market this weekend but John Burton himself. An uncommon sighting as Mr Burton is usually too busy to visit his domain, preferring to entrust Barmy with overseeing the serfs.

At least I don't think he comes among you often - but I could be mistaken. According to my sources he was armed with a digital camera and was seen discreetly taking the odd snap. Perhaps he likes to have a few photos on his desk to help him remember what traders look like. No, surely not - best not to have one's days sullied with such reminders. What then?

Not only was Mr Burton taking pictures, but it was said that if you tried really hard, you could hear the faintest sound of whistling. Could he have an alter ego?

Hands up

How refreshing to see that GSM have put their hands up and agreed to compensate Yok for her losses (see "It's a fair cop").

Actually she saw Barmy on Friday to press her case with him. As you would expect he denied all liability. Apparently none of it was GSM's fault and Yok couldn't expect compensation anyway as GSM weren't insured for this sort of thing. Every time Yok tried to explain why she thought she should be compensated, Barmy shouted her down with "Yok, you're not listening to me". No Barmy, you're the one who wasn't listening. Or thinking.

As I mentioned in a comment on my previous post, this is far from the first time GSM have stuffed up and lost or damaged a trader's gear or caused an injury to someone. They always claim that it's not their fault, there's no insurance, so suck it up. No. If something in GSM's care is stolen or damaged, or you're injured, and it's not your fault, don't accept GSM's line. Remember, they should compensate you - if they can't recover their loss through having no insurance, that's their problem. If need be, consult a solicitor.

That's what Yok did. For once Barmy picked on the wrong helpless frail woman. Her husband, a solicitor, paid Barmy a visit on Friday. I don't know what he said, but I understand GSM have seen the error of their ways and agreed to cough up.

If they don't pay out, victimise Yok, or otherwise act like bastards in this issue, I'll let you know.

It's a fair cop

On Thursday last week, the Thai girl who sells silk scarves, Yok, was pissed about by the new assistant manager (according to said assistant anyway) who gave her a very hard time to get a pitch. She didn't seem to know who Yok was or what she sold. Yok, who has been a constant presence for at least two years, was expelled from her regular pitch and nearly went home. Eventually Patrycja (for it was she) had two tables erected in the space outside the office at 10 a.m. so Yok stayed. The only thing I can think of to say in Patrycja's defence is that she had the Thursday market dumped on her by Ben's displacement and Barny's absence.

Moving on to the following morning, Yok comes in to find half her stuff nicked - hundreds of pounds worth. It had been left out all night by the management, so the piss-heads from the local pubs could pick over it and help themselves. The poor sods who do the storage hadn't spotted the stuff as it wasn't where it should be. The management, who you'd expect to do a scan around to make sure all's safe and sound, had buggered off without checking and without letting anyone know. It's at times like this that you need Ben and Alex.

A week on and so far the management have denied all responsibility and refused to entertain compensating her. Yok pays them to put her stuff away in their storage. They don't put it away. It gets nicked. Whose fault do you think that is?

I'm bringing this up now because it hasn't been resolved as far as I know, Barmy was in the market today and so was Yok's husband. If anyone knows what the score is, please let me know.