Hold the press!

I've had a charming invitation via email from a reporter with a regional newspaper:-

Hello, I was wondering if I could speak to you about some of the issues surrounding Greenwich Market. Would you be able to give me call this week? Alternatively, is there a number I could get you on?

Thanks,
**name**
Reporter
**newspaper**

It would be impolite not to respond, wouldn't it?

Comments are free - what a bargain!

Well alright - I'm giving nothing away. I've just had a change of heart about comment moderation. As my blog seems to have been free of the Fudgepacker blight your comments will now appear as soon as you make them. I still reserve the right to nuke anything I don't fancy though.

Oliver: The barrowboy

Now, I'm as keen as anyone to uphold the wholesome traditions that made Britain great. I do tend to draw the line at vulgarities such as slavery, though.

I also draw the line at making little girls sell matches and flowers on the street, or making little boys scavenge loose cotton from beneath looms or sending them up chimneys. Who can forget those engravings of children as young as nine (as long ago as 1833 - yes, 1833 - the Whigs sought to outlaw the employment of children under nine) toiling underground pushing carts of coal from the face?

In his drive to revive Britain's glory days, GSM's great overseer, Barmy, brought back to us the sight of tiny children straining against burdens far bigger than themselves.

Who can forget seven-year-old Dodger manfully pushing trolleys laden with traders' goods to and from storage? Who can forget them toppling over on the bends while Dodger manfully struggled to keep them upright? Who can forget the tears on the poor kid's face when a trader forgot themselves and called the boy a clumsy arse for cocking-up a job he shouldn't have been doing?

Who can forget GSM turning a blind eye yet again?

Oliver: The Peacemaker

For quite a while, the proper complaints procedure has been to raise issues you may have with a fellow trader with the office first. If necessary, the manager can have a quiet, conciliatory, private word with the offending trader. A sensible, adult approach to defusing disputes before they start.

Which only works if the manager in question is also an adult...

A trader selling clothes was using stepped hanger bars which protruded from the top bar of the stall into the aisle. Another trader thought this narrowed the aisle affecting their trade and may have been a hazard to the public. They went to the office and told Barmy their concerns.

Minutes later Barmy's enforcer, the Dodger, arrived at the stall and told the trader to remove the bars immediately because Barmy "said so".

Jaws dropped.

To boldly go

How heart-warming it is to see GSM supporting Young Enterprise. The two back-to-back stalls in the market on Sunday were an inspiration to budding young entrepreneurs everywhere. Stupidly, the operators of the scheme and the young people's business mentors have been cramming their heads with budgeting, manufacturing, marketing and the other harsh realities of starting in business.

Those stars of modern market management, GSM, were on hand to show the future young business leaders the reality of Greenwich Marketism. The four and a half quid their excellent beaded jewellery made on one of their stalls may have been taken as a rebuff of their business skills by Joe Public. They should not be downcast, as the sheltered rent-free position, and consequent lack of any need to turn a profit, should be taken as an object lesson in how to succeed in today's Greenwich Market.

Meanwhile, Dominique, a real market trader, was stuck outside under a piece of plastic next to the toilets again.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

Grumpy

Not content with being identified with Dopey the dwarf, a certain trader (see "What a dope") has been observed stomping around like Grumpy lately. I do hope my exposure of the market's drug habit hasn't adversely affected their income. If so, I do sympathise and can only regret that they'll have to try to survive on the takings from their over-the-counter business.

Can this mean that GSM have reacted to my post and cleaned up their act after all these years?

Oliver: Thank heaven for little girls

There were so many events featuring Dodger that I nearly forgot to mention Rose. Rose was another of the market waifs and even younger than Dodger. Barmy often played with her, but didn't appoint her to the staff. Usually.

One Christmas, on a very busy day for casuals, there were only two traders remaining to be allocated. Unfortunately there was only one pitch left. As a mature market manager, the obvious thing to do would be to decide who should take the pitch based on logic, common sense, an evaluation of their goods and their contribution to the market over the past year.

Nobody was surprised, therefore, when Barmy turned to little Rose, squatted next to her, and asked her to choose which trader should get the pitch - and who should lose a day's earnings.

Naturally, her choice prevailed.

As I was saying...

Funny I should have just remarked upon the jewellery situation.

Overheard on Saturday, customer to trader:-

"The last time I came here there was loads of jewellery in this place - now there's even more."

So it's not my imagination then.

In case Barmy should forget what he's trying to achieve, here's a picture.

Diamond geezer

I think I speak for all when I say I'm absolutely delighted to see that Barmy isn't going to let himself be limited by a so-called "saturated" category.

I don't think anyone would argue that the most saturated is jewellery, with the number of traders rigorously capped for many years. Until recently, that is. Ever the bold and adventurous manager, Barmy has ripped up his own rule book for the benefit of the market.

Seeing clearly that the market is, in fact, afflicted by a severe shortage of jewellery, Barmy's main achievement this Friday was to set a new all-time record for jewellery stalls.

In the half of the market south of Durnford Street - the arts & crafts half on Fridays now - there were 20 jewellery traders occupying 27 out of 79 stalls. That's a magnificent 34% of the arts & crafts section devoted to one type of product. In one full-width aisle of 14 stalls, 6 were devoted to jewellery. In another of only 13 stalls, there were another 6 stalls of jewellery.

Well done Barmy. We salute you.

Handbags at dawn

I must seem very unoriginal these days, but here's another comment promoted to a new post - this time from "Fan of Dominique":-

Barmy personally gave Dominique a spot quite early on Saturday. She was placed in an aisle of eight stalls,three of which were jewellery stalls, one t-shirt stall & the 4 remaining did bags of one sort or another (including Dominique). The stall opposite her (a new trader - doing women's cloths & BAGS ) was given a spreadover ( he's so kind to the new young girls ). I bet Barmy chuckled to himself all the way back to the office. He sure knows how to dish out a really creative mixture of stalls -- I don't think so !! Pat at least gave Dominique a better position on Sunday. Barmy goes on & on about creative priority, creative this & creative that, but doesn't even have a single blip of creativity in his (miss) management of the market or how he dishes out the stalls. He just doesn't see the bigger picture, even though he carries around a copy on his clipboard ( as a security blanket )to make him feel important His creativity seems to be confined to how he repairs his battered ego & how he wreaks revenge.

What can one say? A common response to "trouble makers" is to swamp them with competition. I have other examples, which I'll post from time to time. In the meantime, let's see what happens to Dominique on Barmy's next shift.